(written on Fri, Jul 15)
It's very easy to get to Friday afternoon and declare that it has been a long exhausting week. But seriously, I am spent! We changed the family dynamic by having my step-daughter for 10 days. The little kids fight for her attention and worship the ground she walks on. She is not used to sharing space or having free time. Dear Daddy wants to make up for missed opportunities with his daughter, but doesn't always see that it comes at the expense of the littles or me. I don't usually dictate free-time activities or spell out how to do everything, but she is not independently minded. We all love the week we have together, but many adjustments have to be made by everyone. So on top of regular chores and schedules, I also had to balance the strained relationships in the house.
FEAR. I absolutely love this girl as my own, but I haven't had the chance to warp and mold her into what I see as her potentials. I see grace, strength, humor, talent... but these all need drawn out, refined, and polished. With only every other weekend, and one week in the summer, I can't go through that process with her. She is developing into a lovely young lady, but not to the fullest I had hoped for her.
Fear cripples her in every area of life. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of foolishness, fear of the unknown. She has a nervous anxiety in anything new or any uncertainty. She has no idea how to use free-time, it scares her to not have every moment of every day scheduled for her. Even not knowing what to have for breakfast can start a mini panic. It hurts me so much when I can't help her conquer her fears. I had never realized how powerful fear can be. It limits your relationships. It limits what you can accomplish. It limits your creative energy. It limits fun opportunities. It is definitely NOT a butterfly tendency.
